Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Observations from the Dental Waiting Room....

Random thoughts and sights from this morning's lovely trip to the dentist...

-If your child is nine and you still carry a diaper bag, you might need to perform a reality check on yourself and cut the cord. The child in question clearly has no disabilities and is potty trained. She went to the restroom while we were waiting. I just gotta ask. Why is Mom still carrying the diaper bag with the kid's name monogrammed on it? Yes, the big kid. Only child. Totes eavesdropped on that conversation.

-If you have converted the aforementioned diaper bag into your purse, you might be a freak. And you might really want to wash that bag before carrying it in public....not to mention the fact that it is obviously a diaper bag....baby blocks embroidered on it alongside your child's name. Look, I am in favor of being thrifty, but when you are still toting a bag from when your child was an infant....yeah, you get the point.

-If your child is better equipped to handle checking in at the dentist and dealing with the insuranace card, you might have issues....wait....issues discovered....see next item...

-If you confess to the receptionist at the dental office that you are too hungover to deal with any of this, you might have a drinking problem. Or maybe you have a gaggle of kids whose energy and whining leads to you wining. And maybe I am wondering where you live, so I can join you later today. Nope, another only child....single mom....Ahhhh...I'd drink too sister; I just wouldn't confess the extent of my hangover out loud...in public...in a room full of strangers....all staring at my bloodshot eyes....Woah now, Fundie over in the corner looks like she might be ready to gather up an angry mob of conservatives to have this woman lynched...or made into a headline on Nancy Grace.

-If your young child weighs more than I do, I am probably judging you for not feeding your child healthy food. Your child depends on you to be responsible. Allowing your 5 year old to be obese is not responsible. In my opinion, it's abuse. It is one thing to be overweight as an adult. I can abuse my own body all I want. But to let that happen to your child? Here's an idea. Instead of having Michelle Obama try to convince children to get up and exercise, why don't we start prosecuting the parents who let their children eat twinkies three meals a day? Truth be told, slapping parents with fines and possible time in jail for child abuse would probably be less expensive than the "Let's Move" initiative. How much money do you think has been spent on...

Michelle Obama Obesity Campaign Components

Let's Move has four areas of focus:
  1. Healthy Choices: better nutrition labeling, a revamped food pyramid, and regular monitoring of children's BMI
  2. Healthier Schools: reauthorization of the Child Nutrition Act for improved school lunches; expansion of the Healthier US Schools Challenge
  3. Physical Activity: modernize the President's Physical Fitness Challenge program and increase participation; partner with professional athletes to encourage 60 minutes of active play daily
  4. Access to Affordable Healthy Food: Address the problem of "food deserts," urban and rural areas without access to affordable, nutritious foods

-The initial budget was upwards of $10 Billion dollars just for school breakfasts and lunches. No joke.
Michelle Obama can talk all day long about being active. She can make commercials that I have to sit through while my children watch Disney Channel before falling asleep. My children's school can offer whole wheat hamburger buns all day long. BUT. Until there are immediate consequences for unhealthy eating habits, no one is going to care. The threat of developing Type II Diabetes in 20 years really doesn't make a child want to put down the chicken nugget. The threat of having knee replacement surgery in 40 years doesn't stop a child from wanting 3 cookies instead of 1. Anyone who has ever taken a psychology class is familiar with punishment theory. To deter a particular behavior, the consequences have to be swift and certain...and the punishment has to be for the adults supplying these children with junk food. Airing 100 "Let's Move" commercials during Saturday morning cartoons isn't likely to reach the parents. The offenders.

-If your breasts are overflowing the neckline of your shirt, the man next to me will stare. He's a total perv. Someone should either hide the boobs or point out to him there is also a flat panel tv to watch. On second thought, why has this woman left the house with half her bust literally hanging out of her shirt? I would take a picture, but I'm afraid that it would classify as pornography. Does this woman even have a child with her? She looks more like she's trolling for a man.


-Oh good lawd. Will I ever get out of here?