Friday, March 16, 2012

Random Thoughts and Observations...From the Past Two Weeks...

-I have long suspected that the Walton family signed a deal with the devil. Wal-Mart is my least favorite place on the planet. To be completely honest, I only go in Wal-Mart when I absolutely have to. I'd rather pay more and go somewhere else than find myself by the milk only to realize I forgot deodorant which is 87,000 square acres away. Not to mention all the klassy (oh yes, with a k) individuals one encounters at Wal-Mart in rural Bama. Seriously, even I seem like a socialite compared to some.

-Sometimes I think that my life is the punchline to a joke. I love it.

-Layton didn't want to take his antibiotic and tried to hide the pill in his pants. Seriously. I couldn't help but tweet that I had to tell him "don't put that pill down your pants." Can someone please explain to me why males are born obsessed with their own equipment? I mean, I know the junk is there and all, but I prefer to think of it as a dark, scary basement...I just don't go there...ya know?...

-The Florida millionaire who adopted his girlfriend to protect his wealth...Well, I have to give him credit for thinking outside the box....and at least Florida doesn't prosecute incest of this kind...Note to self: find drunken millionaire to date...I think J would be okay with it. Ha!

-The hubs played the Rook on me earlier this week. Something occurred, and he declared that it shall not make the blog. He's allowed to trump me.

-True story. I was in the kid's bathroom taking care of some business....I was home alone...then I realized there was no toilet paper on the roll...or under the more ways than one...I had to clip it and walk like a penguin with my pants around my ankles to the kitchen to retrieve a box of Kleenex because there was no way I was going across the house to my bathroom or out to the garage to get a roll of TP. Admit it; You feel so much better about yourself now that I have confessed this story.

-Yes, I meant actual Kleenex. I was not, in fact, retrieving a generic brand and using the word Kleenex to cover all kinds of tissue the same way Xerox is often used in place of photocopy.

-One of the partners walked up to my desk one day to ask me about a particular client. I had just eaten lunch and had dental floss hanging out of my mouth. No joke, I looked at him with wide eyes and was appalled that I was caught flossing my teeth at my desk after lunch...and then I proceeded to pull the floss out of my mouth...right in front of my employer. It wasn't the best moment I have ever had.

-Also, I went to my favorite deli to get a sandwich for lunch. It was awesome until I walked out of the building and in the opposite direction of my car. I had to turn around and go back to my vehicle. The thing that made it so classically A-Ro was that the sidewalk was packed with people eating outside who witnessed me forgetting where I parked. I tried to play it off, but trust me, there was no making it look cool. I just looked confused. Never mind the fact that I had worked 10.5 hours the day before on top of cooking dinner, washing a load of laundry, sneaking in two glasses of wine, and drafting about 7 tax returns...sometimes I get a little kooky during tax season. This was one of those moments. I was on my cell phone talking to J when I parked at the deli and just plain forgot to notice where I parked.

-Word to ya motha.