Thursday, May 03, 2012

Things I Am Telling You...

-Hadley and I went to DC. It was a very educational more ways than I expected. Hadley is a super good kid compared to some in her grade. Let's leave it at that; I fear this post would never end if I opened that can of worms.

-I cut ten inches off my hair. You read that correctly. Ten inches. I keep meaning to have someone take a picture, but then I shy away. I despise having my picture taken. It would be different if I were even remotely photogenic, but I haven't had a decent picture of myself since 1993. Even then, it was the back of my head. Wedding pictures? There isn't a single one on display in my home. Family pictures? There isn't a single one with me in it on display in my home, but I am on the calendar in the kitchen. Total mistake, by the way. I even prefer to use my one form of identification that is without a picture because the one on my driver's license is so offensive. I would definitely describe the picture as offensive. I am actually that weird.

-Speaking of my idiosyncrasies (or idiosyncrazies, ha), I am very particular about the scents of laundry detergent and fabric softener. I mistakenly bought unscented a couple of weeks ago and didn't realize it until I had poured a cap full in the washer. I missed the familiar clean scent, looked down, and saw the word Unscented. Yuck.

-I have an unhealthy obsession with wedges. I have bought two pair of wedge sandals this season, and I am sorely tempted to go on the hunt for more. They give me height (Great, since I'm a shorty-worty), but wedges are so much more comfortable than heels.

-I'm not sure I should be telling you all this. BUT. I cut a huge chunk of my bird finger off. It was a freak accident involving a razor that came lose and jumped out and got me. Of all fingers, it has to be my bird finger on my right hand. It's not that I'm in the habit of giving the finger, but it would be nice to know that should a chance to shoot a bird arise, I could do so without fifteen band-aids wrapping the sucker up. Yes, I did see a medical professional who informed me there wasn't anything much that could be done. It is going to leave a rad looking scar though. I can add it to my list of body parts that I have maimed over the years. I am littered with scars from stitches and burns and...most of it was due to flat out stupidity. The most rad of all my scars is the one over my right eye. It involved a wicker table, a black out, and a plastic surgeon. Don't go getting crazy ideas about a drunken party; I was five. I think my flattened bird finger might surpass the wicker scar. We'll see once it heals.

-I am completely obsessed with Birchbox. I am also obsessed with Stationery Crate, but I cannot bring myself to pay that much for one stinking box. I have a thing for office supplies. I lurrrvve a good pen and sticky pad. In fact, I am soooo obsessed with office supplies, that the hubs even gave me this as a gift one year.

If you don't know what movie this stapler references, you are missing out. AND yes...I did have my name put on it for security reasons. I don't want anyone stealing my limited edition, red, Swingline stapler. Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta. Again, you are missing out if you don't get that.

-By the way, it took me three days (off and on) of typing this to get it all down. The wrapped up bird finger has caused more typos than Layton would have made if he typed it.

-A chick asked me how my sister is doing the other day. My mouth was completely constipated. We're talking...I kind of twitched and snorted. I was only able to nod my head and smile. Just so you know, it's safer to ask me about thermodynamics. I can at least retain the ability to speak and act human if you ask me about that.

-While we were in a restaurant the other day, Layton asked to use the restroom. I told him to wait just a few minutes and that Daddy would take him. He a wail..."Fine, I'll take care of it in my pants." Yes, the child threatened to wet his own pants because I didn't want to take him in the ladies room.

-Speaking of my children being completely insolent, Ella totes bombed a math sheet. Jay and I scolded her for not reading the directions and making a 47. Ella's smart retort was, "Thanks for the support, you guys." This was of course followed by dramatic crying into her pillow, Spiky....and me just about losing my shiz.

-I adore my friend Kim. She sells the cutest clothes. And her back porch is a deep abyss that sucks me in every. single. time. It's like time slows down or something, and I wind up drinking too much wine and stumbling back to my house (which is across the street and two doors down). I was in need of a trip to her porch after going to DC and dealing with the mouths of the littles. :)

-I am still trying to get all my pictures sorted and get some of them blogged. I have close to 2,000 from DC and the weeks before that I am in the process of weeding through. Be patient while I work on it, friends. I will get there soon enough.

Until then...Word to ya Motha.