Friday, August 31, 2012

Random Thoughts and Observations...

-I went to the Pep Rally at Hadley's school. It was olfactory time tripping. The place smells exactly like it did the first time I walked inside more than two decades ago. It's amazing how a smell can trigger your memory; I was instantly transported to a time when I was flat chested and socially awkward. Oh wait, that wasn't just a memory; I still am flat chested and socially awkward. Ha!

-Layton wants to be Michael Jackson for Halloween. He said that we would have to paint him black then white. I'm a little concerned that Layton thinks it's okay to do full on Thriller black face. He clearly did not get the memo about being PC.

-I am moderately to severely annoyed with a project I have been working on. Actually, that's not true. I am moderately to severely annoyed with the people I have been working with on a project. I will never agree to do anything again if either of these two individuals are involved. No, it's not a work related project; it's something I agreed to out of generosity. Aaaannndd, hate myself for committing to it now that it has turned into such a mess. It's not even a mess. It's a disaster.

-Sometimes I think it would be nice to get sick. Not like dying sick. But just sick enough to require a day or two of alone time in the bed. I get so wrapped up in getting the children to 95,000 places, helping with homework when I can, cooking dinner, washing clothes, squeezing in work, etc. that I just need an entire day of lazy to get over it. A vacation from being in charge of everything. Do any of you moms ever think it would be nice to have a sick day? Or have I completely lost it?

-Is it wrong to eat lunch at 9:30 because I failed to eat breakfast and am starving?

-Mr. Holland's Opus makes me cry. I'm being completely honest here folks. The scene where Iris starts screaming about wanting to be able to talk to her child. Yeah, I bawl like a baby every time. It was on TV when I went home for lunch one day this past week. I had puffy eyes when I returned to work. No one said anything about my appearance, so maybe no one noticed.

-I almost rear-ended a car on purpose. True story. She pulled in the school lot beside the football field and stopped. I was right behind her, and she didn't pull in far enough for the back of my car to be out of the road. Girlfriend just sat there. After a few minutes, I honked my horn. I knew that if I didn't honk and get her to move I would either A) be involved in an accident because the back half of Volv-Ro was out in the road. or B) catch road rage and gun it right into the back of her Jeep. Seriously, who does this? If you are familiar with the parking area right there by the gym and football field, you know exactly what I am talking about because you have probably fallen victim to the "idiot who pulls in and then stops and her kid is so slow getting out of the car that you could have knit an entire doily for your dining table all while no one else can get into the stinking parking lot and traffic is backed up 1/4 mile on Forrest Street and it's raining."

-I deserve an award for that last run on sentence. It was the Gold Medal of grammar offenses.

Serious Ella Face...

It is Friday!! Woohoo!!! I'm ready to sleep late tomorrow morning!!! I do not have pancake supplies on hand. That's what the littles want for breakfast every Saturday. This is no doubt what Ella's face will look like when she realizes there are no pancakes.

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It will be followed with a good, dramatic cry. I'm being serious. She will probably cry when I tell her that I will have to hit the grocery store before I can do breakfast. BUT...

We get to SLEEP LATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. If you call or text me before noon tomorrow, it is probable that I will not be nice on the phone.

I Love My Children...I Really do...

I adore my babies. I am obsessed with their every move. BUT. There are times when I want to go full on Bad Mama. Like when I open Layton's expensive cookies that I buy for his lunchbox and discover that he opened them, ate one, took a bite out of one, and put the plastic thing back in the box with a half eaten cookie.

Why? My dear son. Why?

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Thursday, August 30, 2012

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Grampy Patrol...Again?...

The Grampy Patrol struck again. We had made a mad dash to Huntsville after school one day to get Hadley's dance twirl boots fitted. We had to be back in Athens by 4:30, so obviously we were in a hurry. I elected to take the interstate hoping to avoid traffic. And then...Gramps got in front of me. I told Hadley to grab my phone and take a picture. We were doing all of 45 mph in a 70 mph zone. Grand Marquis. Left blinker on. 25 mph under the speed limit. Classic Grampy Patrol.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Ella...She's Always So Busy...

I'm not sure why, but Ella is always busy with something. She's either cooking, playing, watching TV, texting, or something. She is a BUSY BODY. If you ask her to come here, she will let you know that it's going to be a minute because she's..fill in the blank with an activity.

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I imagine that I was a busy body type of child. My whole life I have always wanted to go and do all the time. Ella is very much like me in that. She was busy cooking when I snapped this picture. Notice the kitchen towel tossed over her shoulder. I do that too. Maybe we are more alike than I realized. 


The first day of school came, and I just had to get a picture of the codependents as we left. Eighth grade. Fourth grade. First grade. My, my how time does fly.

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This was the only day that week that we made it to school without incident. Yes, you read that correctly. We made it on time and without drama. Until about 9:30 when Hadley called to tell me she forgot her dance twirl bag at home. Day two was met with Hadley dragging. As usual. We barely made it to school on time. Day three was a little off kilter because Layton was having a tiny oral surgery and didn't go to school. The girls and I made it out the door with plenty of time. We got all the way to Ella's school before Hadley announced she had forgotten her lunch. We dropped off Ella and went home to get the lunch and back across town to school. Day four was much smoother except for Hadley dragging again. Lord help. How can it take her 30 minutes to shower? Hadley forgot her lunch again on day five. I'm hoping we can make it through the second week of school with a little bit more grace. 

Monday, August 27, 2012

Random Thoughts, Observations, and Me Falling Down the Stairs...

- Kenny Shamrock. Really? You thought she was a man? Outside a Coach store? My hubs would probably ask if I were taking up some kind of carriage for hire business if I told him we were going to the Coach store, so I guess maybe Kenny didn't realize that it's basically purse-whore heaven. I probably shouldn't admit that I laughed out loud when I read that "news" item last week.

-I just saw a vagisil commercial that made me cringe. Some one needs to have a serious talk with whatever crackpot decided to let that commercial see the light of day. It was kind of graphic. Ewww.

-Stairwell 1, A-Ro 0. Klassy. I don't think I broke any bones. The only thing hurt is the tiny crumb of dignity I still possess. What am I talking about? I don't have any dignity left. Considering I was in a concrete stairwell in a parking garage, it's a miracle I didn't hurt myself. My impressive tumble was witnessed by far too many people for comfort. I kept it together and waited until I got in the car to cry. I cried mostly because I was embarrassed and only slightly because I had just managed to surf down half a story of stairs on my rear.

-Cobbler. Not the food. The shoemaker. Greatest word I've been able to use twice this week. I also particularly enjoyed my chat with the cobbler. He is a lovely man. Should you need some cobbling, I can tell you exactly where to go. The catch is that you must use the word cobbler three - four times in our conversation about it. I will be counting. :)

-Why is there a question about penile prosthesis on my MRI paperwork? The only thing that needs addressing is the fact that I want the warm blanket to keep me cozy in the Arctic room where the MRI is performed. Forget penile implants.

-One of these days I am actually going to look into getting some Prozac. Who wants to place a bet that my random thoughts and observations that week will be off the charts cray cray?

-Ella and I went to Publix over the weekend to buy our groceries for the week. I can't handle the grocery store more than once a week. We ran into roughly 30 people we knew. It was insane! We're talking...I ran into a woman I hadn't seen in probably 14 years, clients, friends, mothers of friends, coworkers, the whole nine yards. Saturday must be THE day to do your shopping here.

Hadley and A-Ro...

By now, we are probably getting back in the swing of things. School has started....

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...and I am probably wondering when the next moment like this will happen.

Keep on keeping on parents. The adjustment to the school year is harsh for all of us. My household works better with the routine of the school, but it is still hard to get up every day at the crack of dawn to get it going. If I happen to cross your path and seem more like Sasquatch than a mother, I apologize in advance.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

I'm at a Payphone...Again...

The payphone scavenger hunt A-Ro style scored a big win this week. A facebook friend messaged me to let me know that he has seen a phone in our hometown. Thanks Lanier!!! Like I could pass up the chance to take the littles. Hadley wasn't awake yet when we went, so just the littles had the opportunity to call me from a payphone.

Ella was classically not impressed. Yeah right. I think she was just acting like this wasn't an awesome idea.

We put the quarters in, and Ella dialed my cell phone. She knows the number by heart. Layton picked up the earpiece which is a lovely shade of yellow. Why? I have no idea. I took the call, and he was supremely pleased that he was talking to me!

I made a note of the number. I mean, honestly, when was the last time I got a phone call from a payphone?

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Big win. I even turned on my best college football announcer voice and said, "the offense was able to capitalize on a big play."

Where the Interwebs...

Where you find the also where you will find the Dizzy.

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Bugs Ate It...

Little man is not pleased. Bugs ate the strawberry plant he helped plant at school. Sad face.

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Friday, August 24, 2012

Do You Ever Want to Roar?...

Layton likes to roar. It doesn't matter if we're in public or at home; the boy will turn into a dinosaur. Or dragon. Or superhero. Cracks me up every single time. I try to gently remind him that we don't just go around roaring in public. Wait, everyone already knows we are that family anyway, so I guess we can go around roaring for fun.

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Do you ever want to roar? Sometimes I do. If I am particularly stressed or feel overwhelmed with my schedule, I have been known to scream and roar while I'm driving. Only when I'm alone in the car do I roar. I can't even begin to imagine what sort of crazy my children would come up with if I let it all out with them in the backseat.

Hats Off...

She's very into hats right now. I'm still very into taking pictures of her sweet face.

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Sorry for the glare on her glasses.

Where Are the Owners?...

If you are at the park....and you see my children...they will probably be barefoot...and a pile of shoes will be somewhere close by...because they have convinced other children to run barefoot as all the parents...I am sorry my children are so persuasive.

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Thursday, August 23, 2012

If You Give a Child a Camera...

If I leave my camera unattended, I will find shots like this later.

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Ella. Upside down. Up close.

Consider this fair warning that if you walk away from your camera and my offspring are nearby, they will take a picture for later viewing. Complete with nostrils.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Keeping It Real...

This bottle opener was a good friend while on vacation. I enjoyed Corona with lime while relaxing under the umbrella. I choose not to hide the fact that I enjoy a good drink. Corona with lime is my go to drink while on the beach. I'm not much of a beer drinker, but on the beach I will knock back some suds. Just keeping it real.

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Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Ella's Happy Face...

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I'm Still at the Payphone...

This, my dear friends, is what we have found in our hometown. Payphone booths that no longer have phones in them. Yes, we made a special trip to this parking lot to continue our Payphone Scavenger Hunt A-Ro Style only to wonder, "Where did the phone go?"

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...And no, this isn't the end of our payphone hunt. There is more to come. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or just pathetic. I really need to channel all of this payphone obsessive energy into something healthy. Like exercise. :)


All around town....empty booths....

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Gluten Free and Layton Approved...

Layton's diet poses some challenges. One of his favorite dishes is spaghetti. He lurves the sauce. He will lick it off the plate. Every. Single. Time. Spaghetti is almost always a winner even if it is gluten free.

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Monday, August 20, 2012

I'm at a Pay Phone...

Disclaimer: Today's post is brought to you by Maroon 5 and my twisted sense of normalcy.

These Maroon 5 people keep coming on the radio singing this song about payphones. Fine and dandy. We all sing along. And then?

One of my children asks me what a payphone is. I don't know why, but in the last 13 years of parenting, it never occurred to me to explain the concept of a payphone. Mostly it's because I've had a cell phone for the last 10 years. Who needs a payphone when nationwide calling and unlimited texting are available for a monthly fee? So, I tell them to ask their dad. Classic bad parenting maneuver. Anyhow, at some point the codependents understood that a payphone is this magic box where you put in a quarter and can call someone.

And in classic A-Ro fashion...I decided to take them to see a real payphone. This was a bad idea. I drove past every bit of 93 gas stations and strip malls in town. There are hardly any payphones in our town. Actually, I have yet to find a single payphone in Athens. It was a Payphone Scavenger Hunt A-Ro Style. All the ones I knew about are gone.  I got on the Payphone Directory, and sure enough, payphones are in short supply here. We did find one in the next county over though. I forced the hubs to pull over when I spotted the blue booth. Keep in mind we were doing 65 on the highway when I started yelling, "PAYPHONE, PAYPHONE." That was a very pleasant turn. Smoke might have come off the back two wheels of the Volv-Ro.

We only had the two littles with us at the time. I actually made them get out and let me photograph them at a payphone. Hello? It's a payphone, people. My children didn't even know such a thing existed until Maroon 5 started crooning about it. Makes me wonder what other things I'm forgetting to teach them. I'm counting on Britney Spears releasing a song that will be a follow up to the educational juggernaut of Payphone.

Seriously, it's 2012, and my children had no clue what a payphone is!!! Do yours? Have they ever seen one? I'm guessing that those of you who live in large areas have payphones on the street corners still. It's been weeks since this ridiculous quest began, and I have yet to drive past a payphone in my hometown. I'm trying to work up the cajones to drive past Wal-Mart later. I feel certain that if I'm going to find one, it will be at skank heaven. There isn't one listed at my local Wally World on the directory, but I figure it might be worth a try.

Ella was not impressed. Is she ever?

Um, this thing was nasty. There is not enough bleach to undo what is going on here. We're talking CDC level shiz.

I gave them some change, so that they could call my cell phone...With the earpiece held at a safe 4 inches from their ears.


And the confound thing didn't even work! Also, it's a whole stinking dollar to call my cell phone from one county over! What the What?

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Maroon 5 can use the payphone all they want. I will stick with my Droid. And don't go thinking this is the last you will hear of my payphone scavenger hunt. I have more pictures. And some flat out stupid stories. Like I said, this hunt has been going on for weeks.


It was a lovely Sunday evening. I was driving home from dinner.

...and then....I noticed a freaking cow in the road. No joke, this sucker was out roaming the streets. As I approached, I slowed down. You never know what a cow is gonna do with the sweet taste of freedom.

I whipped out my camera and took a few pictures of ole Bessie as she walked off the road. Totally cracked me up.
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What really cracked me up though, was Layton sitting in the backseat Moo-ing at Bessie. Ha!

**For the record I have no clue if this cow even has a name. I just thought it would be more polite to call her Bessie than good ole heifer.