Monday, August 20, 2012

I'm at a Pay Phone...

Disclaimer: Today's post is brought to you by Maroon 5 and my twisted sense of normalcy.

These Maroon 5 people keep coming on the radio singing this song about payphones. Fine and dandy. We all sing along. And then?

One of my children asks me what a payphone is. I don't know why, but in the last 13 years of parenting, it never occurred to me to explain the concept of a payphone. Mostly it's because I've had a cell phone for the last 10 years. Who needs a payphone when nationwide calling and unlimited texting are available for a monthly fee? So, I tell them to ask their dad. Classic bad parenting maneuver. Anyhow, at some point the codependents understood that a payphone is this magic box where you put in a quarter and can call someone.

And in classic A-Ro fashion...I decided to take them to see a real payphone. This was a bad idea. I drove past every bit of 93 gas stations and strip malls in town. There are hardly any payphones in our town. Actually, I have yet to find a single payphone in Athens. It was a Payphone Scavenger Hunt A-Ro Style. All the ones I knew about are gone.  I got on the Payphone Directory, and sure enough, payphones are in short supply here. We did find one in the next county over though. I forced the hubs to pull over when I spotted the blue booth. Keep in mind we were doing 65 on the highway when I started yelling, "PAYPHONE, PAYPHONE." That was a very pleasant turn. Smoke might have come off the back two wheels of the Volv-Ro.

We only had the two littles with us at the time. I actually made them get out and let me photograph them at a payphone. Hello? It's a payphone, people. My children didn't even know such a thing existed until Maroon 5 started crooning about it. Makes me wonder what other things I'm forgetting to teach them. I'm counting on Britney Spears releasing a song that will be a follow up to the educational juggernaut of Payphone.

Seriously, it's 2012, and my children had no clue what a payphone is!!! Do yours? Have they ever seen one? I'm guessing that those of you who live in large areas have payphones on the street corners still. It's been weeks since this ridiculous quest began, and I have yet to drive past a payphone in my hometown. I'm trying to work up the cajones to drive past Wal-Mart later. I feel certain that if I'm going to find one, it will be at skank heaven. There isn't one listed at my local Wally World on the directory, but I figure it might be worth a try.

Ella was not impressed. Is she ever?

Um, this thing was nasty. There is not enough bleach to undo what is going on here. We're talking CDC level shiz.

I gave them some change, so that they could call my cell phone...With the earpiece held at a safe 4 inches from their ears.


And the confound thing didn't even work! Also, it's a whole stinking dollar to call my cell phone from one county over! What the What?

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Maroon 5 can use the payphone all they want. I will stick with my Droid. And don't go thinking this is the last you will hear of my payphone scavenger hunt. I have more pictures. And some flat out stupid stories. Like I said, this hunt has been going on for weeks.