Saturday, November 17, 2012

Random Thoughts and Observations...

-It seems I am supposed to be very concerned about David Petraeus's sex life. I honestly don't care that he was having an affair. Heck, infidelity happens every hour of every day all around the world. As long as Big Dave was keeping all the spooks in line and getting the job done, let him be All In. I do not think that lacking faithfulness to one's spouse is a reason for losing a job.

-33% of my offspring happen to be in New York City right now. The chaperones did not laugh when I asked if this could be a one way field trip. PSA: Don't make jokes about one way field trips; people without a sense of humor will not laugh. PSA #2: Don't make jokes about selling your children on ebay in front of school authorities; it's frowned upon. PSA #3: Don't take parenting advice from me.

-TMI Alert...don't read any further unless you want to be grossed out. Layton loves to climb up on me and hang from my neck whilst I wave my hands in the air squealing, "No hands! No hands!" This is usually followed by hugs and giggles and me holding him for a bit. He felt lumpy on his backside the other day. I asked him what was in his pants. He informed me that it was his "leak catcher." What pray tell is a leak catcher? Let me splain this in Layton terms for you. It's a wad of toilet paper stuffed in your underwear like a maxi pad to catch sharts or "poop that leaks out." A leak catcher. And I'm the lucky woman who gets to remove it from his underwear before putting them in the washing machine. Calm down; I know you want that job.

-I would like to take this opportunity to ask if anyone else has ever wanted to give a serious beat down to one of your child's teachers. Normally, I'm pretty okay with teachers being hard on my chillens, but there is one this year who appears to be in some kind of competition with Satan to see who can make me snap first. Just to be clear...Satan is currently in second place.