Monday, January 28, 2013

And They Wonder Why I Drink...

Every day in the life of the Enabler is full of funny stories and moments that make me think, "Seriously?" Between work and home, I hear it all. Like, for realz. Don't you love the way I use poor grammar and spelling to make a point? I blatantly commit grammar crimes for affect; however, if I catch you saying, "I bought it for him and I," I will stop you mid sentence to ask if you know the difference between objective case and nominative case. I am that strange. Here are a few of the things that I have heard or thought in the last few weeks...

--Layton loves to call the ladies, "baby." As in...

What's going on, baby?

What is for dinner, baby?

Want to play Wii, baby?

It's not like he's trying to be a sexual harasser in training or anything. He just loves to call all women "baby"...including me, Hadley, Ella....anyone can be a "baby." Before you say anything, yes, yes, I have tried to convince him not to call the ladies "baby." He's just a baby kinda guy. It's sort of Sinatra-Esque....especially with his curls and dimples. The point, dear digital friends, is that if you encounter my son and he calls you baby, take no offense. Blog about it and send the link to me. Ha!

--Do you ever check the FAIL blog? It is some of the funniest material! The names are almost always blurred or blocked out. You must check it. You can thank me tomorrow. Here's a sample...

I chose to provide you with samples that both mentioned pot. No, I'm not a pot head. I wouldn't be even if it were legal. BUT. Highlarious.

--As we were cruising through our local Publix, Ella and Layton began discussing baths. Let me rephrase. They began discussing not taking baths. Layton proclaimed that he was, "going to take his weekly bath" that night. Ella being the perfect partner in crime egged him on and started suggesting that her armpits were smelly from not bathing for so long. People, my children do bathe. Promise.

--Soooo, the kids are watching a supposedly safe TV channel. Layton asks, "What does, 'Oh, Hell No' mean?" Aren't there any family channels that are free of this kind of stuff? My little afro-boy will repeat anything and everything he hears.

--Ella has written "strongly worded letters" to everyone who has sneezed in front of her in the last two weeks. What 9 year old says things like "strongly worded letters?" My child. What 9 year old writes letters explaining how to cover one's mouth when coughing and sneezing complete with sarcasm? My child.

--An email was sent out regarding the dress code at work. It was a friendly reminder that we all need to look a little more professional this time of year. I, of course, immediately began trying to remember everything I had worn in the week leading up to the email. I can only assume that something I attempted to wear spurred the email. I look 50 Shades of Hobo on a regular basis.  My response to the email regarding the dress code?

That's correct. I put on a bracelet and actually wore my wedding and engagement rings for a change. I'm hoping this will be enough to convince my coworkers that I am not actually a hobo sneaking into the office. Someone once said that it's, "all about the accessories." That someone looks adorbs everyday of the week. That someone was definitely not me, but I was listening.

--Sometimes I get an email or text message and really, really, really want to hit reply and type, "Find someone else to bother."

--Layton's hair. The hair band gods are probably pleased with what is going on North of Layton's shoulders. At any moment he could start singing a Whitesnake song, and it wouldn't seem odd. I told him he had to get a haircut. He replied, "but it drives the ladies crazy." Maybe he is a sexual harasser in training.

--Any questions?