Thursday, August 29, 2013

Fields of Gold...

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I am completely swamped at the moment. I have 45 draft posts for the blog. Yes, 45 posts are waiting to be finished and posted. The number taunts me every time I log in.

While I try to figure out how to make time to finish these posts, could you all do a favor for me? Ask me some questions. I don't care if it is via text message, email, or blog comment. Ask and you shall receive.

Also, be on the lookout for two really great opportunities coming up soon in my hometown. First, the Athens Grease Festival. Second, the Apple Annie Charity Golf Tournament. I will publish additional details on both as time gets closer to the big days. :) I'd love for all of you to come hang out with me at both events!

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Perspective and Respect...My Fat Amy...

-All three children have been on time to school every day so far. I do my best Rick Flair, "Wooooooooooooo" after I finish drop offs each day. It's my way of celebrating the fact that we all made it out of the house fully clothed and almost clean looking and on time. Give it a few weeks. Check in slips will read, "Aliens abducted mommy in the night, and the gamma radiation from the spaceship fried all electronic devices in the house including alarm clocks and cell phones." Maybe that excuse isn't the best idea...

-Have you seen the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love? I don't think it's a new release. I happened to see it on the Tivo guide for HBO one day last week and decided to record it. I like Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling, so it looked like a movie I would enjoy. I did enjoy it. The film has fairly raunchy subject matter. There is a scene, though, that had me wondering if the screenwriter has met me. So...Ryan is attempting to seduce Emma...they're in his house, and he takes off his shirt. Emma says something to the effect of, "you look photoshopped." He continues trying to seduce her, but she keeps giggling and making small talk about things completely unrelated to getting busy. It reminded me of when J proposed {except we were outside and not getting busy}. He was being all romantic....and I was rattling off facts about beaver dams. I kid you not.

-I took the codependents to see Despicable Me 2 a while back. They LOVED it. I guess I have been living under a rock because I still haven't seen the first one. Layton has informed me that I must watch it ASAP. Do you concur? Is Despicable Me a must see?

-Have you seen Pitch Perfect? Fat Amy introduces herself as Fat Amy, so that "twig bitches like you don't do it behind my back." It's armor. This blog is sort of my version of Fat Amy. I am socially awkward (at best), chaotic, unorganized, sweaty, chunky, and off balance. If I go ahead and admit those things publicly, openly, it doesn't hurt as much when someone else says it. Furthermore, it's not condescending when someone points out my very flawed self if a good laugh can be had about it because I already put it on the Internet. This blog is my Fat Amy.

-People, Madonna is 55. Chew on that for a moment. The material girl is mid-fifties. Do you think she'll ever retire? Or will she be like Cher and outlast nuclear waste?

-Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing. I think, "Good lord, A-Ro! Who puts this random stuff on the Internet for anyone to laugh at? What kind of crazy person must I be?" Then, I spend 30 minutes on wikipedia reading about personality disorders and schizophrenia just to make sure that I don't have the traits listed. Dr. Internet assures me that my compass doesn't point North, but I'm not certifiable yet. Just eccentric. Then again, Hell Night circa early 1990's, I ate every can of sardines and anchovies I could locate in the kitchen of the hostess....because I felt bad for the pledges and didn't want them to have to eat it. Herrllo? Why didn't I just throw them away? No, I had to be a supreme dumba$$ and eat the goods. I still remember my friend and fellow majorette Amy walking in and catching me with a mouthful of sardines.

-What's Hell Night? Long story short. It's the last night of pledging for the high school sorority I joined back in the day. Toward the end of the night the pledges line up in a straight line, and the members get to feed the pledges anything they want. That's right. Anything they want. I had a pretty stout stomach when I was young and was one of the few pledges that didn't vomit Exorcist style when I was fed. I was rather proud of myself for not yacking. Not everyone can hold down the bizarre and gross concoctions though. Just imagine eating sardines followed by pickled pig's feet followed by anchovies followed by anchovy paste followed by drinking vinegar followed by chocolate pudding followed by more sardines. So yeah, I felt bad for the pledges every year and ate as many sardines and anchovies as I could, so they wouldn't have to. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I can't even face you all right now.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Hats off to You...

Ella loves hats. All hats.

I think she looks adorable in a hat.

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Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Because I Must Have Been a Dominatrix...

Most days I function pretty well. I get up and go to work. I take care of the children. I'm happy and cannot wait to have an awesome day.

There are other days for me. The days when anyone who crosses my path is likely to suffer. Days when I mutter curse words under my breath all day long. Days when I get mad that my looks don't kill. Days when J and the kids go for a two hour bike ride just to stay away from my foul mood. Days when the amount of pain I subject other people to can only mean one thing. I was a dominatrix in a past life.

Take for example how we're all at work...stuck at our desks...staring at computer screens...longing to be somewhere else...and then I post pictures like this...

Oh, aren't you jealous now?

Envious of the sun and sand? 

Desperate to frolick and splash?

It's plain, old fashioned rude to force vacation pictures on other people.

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Like I said...dominatrix.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Me Thinks...

Me thinks it is time to explain to Ella that telescopes are for stars and not spying on people on the beach...

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Who am I kidding? She learned this behavior from J and me. Speaking of learning....
That was my absolute FAVORITE anti-drug commercial from the '80s. "I learned it from you, man!" I saw a commercial the other day that was spoofing it. I cracked up!

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Why? Oh Why?....

Why is it that the one time I agree to let J take a picture of me with some of the kids....

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...Ella decides to sit with her legs spread to Texas and New York?


Friday, August 09, 2013

Yo Go, Boy...

It is time for the weekend! Woohoo! I am so ready for the weekend. This has been a trying week for me. :) It's been difficult to try and get back in the groove of work and home. I am just not ready for the upcoming months of chaos.

I am also about violate everything I believe about blogging. I try to not post pictures of other people without permission. I have been known to tell friends that pictures from dinner may appear on the blog. If anyone objects, I don't use it.
I also try really hard not to post pictures of strangers as well. I think that is rude. BUT. We saw a guy on vacation that might just be my beach soul mate. I am not in any way making fun of this man. I am not laughing at this man. I am impressed with his obvious dedication to being on vacation.

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He may be fully clothed and in a rascal, but by golly, he was going to get out on the sand. I think he and I were the only two people on the beach with pants on all week. :) I give this man two solid thumbs up for finding a way to make it happen umbrella and all.

Happy weekend, friends. Make it happen umbrella and all.

Pilla Hair...

Ella's Who Hair is not easy to tame. Her hair is so wispy and feathery.

Most mornings this is what she looks like...

It's pilla hair at its finest.  
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P.S. Pilla is redneck for pillow. :) 

Thursday, August 08, 2013

Vegas! Vegas! Vegas!...

A death defying stunt...performed by the one and only Tiny Terror...

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He thinks this is an awesome trick, and I think that we will end up in an emergency room after lighting sparklers.

Wednesday, August 07, 2013

Until Tawny Kitaen Shows Up...

The two littles had a marvelous time at the beach playing with the sand.

Their favorite activity is to bury J and then throw buckets of water at his head. (Insert inappropriate joke regarding J's demise and future burial here. lol)

Smiles are a plenty when Daddy is getting the bucket.

Ella got a bucket full of water thrown on her too. I have no idea why this is so fun, but they absolutely love it!

Here's the best part...Layton was rolling in the sand, and I took his picture. Later when I looked at the pictures...I realized that I caught him at just the right second to make him look like Tawny Kitaen on top of a Jaguar covered in sand...He really wasn't trying to be all "look at me rubbing sand all over my hot body"'s just the way his facial expression was captured at this exact moment. Bwhahaha.
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There you have it, folks. It's all fun and games until Tawny shows up.

Possibly One of the Best...

Historically, the enabler and her codependents have not had the best luck on vacation. There was the time Ella fell in a toilet. The time Layton's ear drum ruptured. The time we had to police our brass and dispose of a rabid animal. Forgotten toothbrushes and underwear. Someone will come down with pink eye. We've eaten at restaurants only to spend the rest on the night stuck in the condo because we were all violently ill. We've stayed in hotels where the water was not potable. And showered on the front porch a time or two.
Yes, we are a family that does not shy away from adventure or medical emergencies. All of our vacations are good though. Even when there has been a medical situation or two, we still have fun and enjoy relaxing (as much as possible).

This most recent vacation might have been one of the best ones we have ever taken. It was an odd vacation because we went without Hadley. She was at band camp. No, I do not feel bad at all for leaving her behind. She has gotten to do some fantastic things this year (Hello? Hawaii? New York? Breckenridge?), and her Summer schedule just has not allowed for a family trip. This was one of the only weeks we had available to leave for more than 2 nights in a row, so we took it.
It was odd being there without her, but the two littles had so much fun. We didn't have any emergencies. No one forgot their toothbrush or underwear. I almost got some sun on my arms. We chartered a sailboat. J went deep sea fishing. We met up with friends for dinner one night.

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It was completely relaxing, and for the first time in a long time, I did not want to come home. I wanted to keep walking on the beach with these two.

Tuesday, August 06, 2013

Being Still...

Relaxing is not something at which I am good.

I fidget and squirm and have a deep need to be saying or doing something all the time. I am not still. I have nervous energy and consistently think I am forgetting something. (Probably because I usually am forgetting something.)

There were a few moments on our vacation when I felt myself be still. My heart rate slowed, and I fully soaked in the moment without worry and without wiggling.

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Or maybe those were just moments when I realized...I'm drunk. Hey, it was vacation. 

Mustard Bagging It...

As is usually the case, my Kelly Moore Bag went on vacation with us. I have loved this bag since before I even bought it. I really, really wanted it for a while and finally decided to pony up the cash to get it after I had my camera for a few months. I was sort of shocked when I opened the box because the bag was bigger than I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong. All the space has come in handy since I have several lenses and accessories that I also keep in this bag.

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Here's the thing. I am considering making a change to my camera/lens/bag position. I am thinking about selling my camera and the majority of my lenses to use as payment toward a newer camera and one really, really good lens. I would also be able to use a much smaller camera bag.


My questions to all of you picture taking mommies are these.

What is your favorite camera bag that is NOT a black nylon thingy mabob? I like color and would not enjoy going back to this...

What is your favorite camera? I currently have a Canon 60D.

What is your favorite multi-purpose lens?

Monday, August 05, 2013

The Moment You Realize Your Children Are Even Better Than You Thought...

Hadley. She is the bomb dot com. Are people still saying that? I am apparently. No really. She is funny and adorable. Take for example this recent text message exchange with a friend. I have blurred out her user name and the friend's name. Keep in mind I do not blur well, but heck, I did it. That counts for something, right? 

Her friend starts the conversation. Hadley's replies are in blue. There is some slight cut off, but I think you can get the basic information...

I think Hadley's last reply "^better love story than twilight" might have made me pee my pants a little. In a metaphorical sense, of course. She's a great kid, and somehow, she's mine.

Breaking My Back...

Not too long ago I dropped off all the children at their various events and began my drive to work. As I was going down the road, my car went...ding ding ding...I paid little attention and kept on going. A few minutes later...ding ding I looked at the display only to see that "Passenger 2 Not Buckled" in red dinging at me. Ding ding ding. I was moderately annoyed and thought that there must be a malfunctioning sensor in the car because I was the only passenger. Ding ding ding. And then it hit me. My purse was in the passenger seat...and apparently so heavy that my car believed a whole other person was cruising shotgun.

I'll be honest. I could probably survive on a deserted island for a while on the junk that is in the bottom of my bag. Ding ding ding - clean out your bag, Amanda!

Sent from my Samsung smartphone on AT&T

Sunday, August 04, 2013

Sail Away with Me...

We have gone to the beach every Summer for quite some time. Years. Typically, the days consist of:

Wake up.
Go down to the beach and play until starvation makes us grumpy.
Go up to the condo and eat sandwiches.
Go back down to the beach and play until starvation makes us grumpy.
Go up to the condo and shower.
Go out to eat dinner.
Go back to the beach to walk on the sand and relax.
Watch TV.
Go to bed.
Lather, rinse, repeat for as many days as we are there.

This year though my bones were aching for something different. I think we were all hoping for something different and fun. Something outside our box.

The third day of our vacation we chartered a sailboat.

We had an excellent captain to keep things going in the right direction.

...even when Ella was behind the wheel...

...even when Layton was behind the wheel...

Sailing around the Gulf of Mexico was so relaxing and so much fun. We watched dolphins play and crossed paths with other boats such as this one. I have never wanted to walk the plank with 75 other people. I prefer to relax in private, so chartering a sailboat for just my family was a better fit than the pirate cruise offered. Ha.

We were able to move around the boat and put cushions where ever we wanted even if that meant dangling legs over the side of our vessel.

Ahhh, looking up at the yards and yards of impressive fabric and rigs was breathtaking. In fact it was so breathtaking that Layton had to ask Captain Ryan, "what inspires you?" Ryan was unbelievably kind and considerate and spent a few minutes telling Layton all about his love for the water and how that inspired his move from the corporate world into the sailboat world. Maybe he was just shell-shocked by my curly haired cherub asking about inspiration.

Watching sunset out on the salty water was far more beautiful than watching it from a crowded beach. At least, it was more beautiful for me. 

Ella just had to have her "Queen of the World" moment. It was precious beyond belief.

Chartering a sailboat is a relaxing way to spend an afternoon. Just ask Layton.
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