Thursday, August 22, 2013

Perspective and Respect...My Fat Amy...

-All three children have been on time to school every day so far. I do my best Rick Flair, "Wooooooooooooo" after I finish drop offs each day. It's my way of celebrating the fact that we all made it out of the house fully clothed and almost clean looking and on time. Give it a few weeks. Check in slips will read, "Aliens abducted mommy in the night, and the gamma radiation from the spaceship fried all electronic devices in the house including alarm clocks and cell phones." Maybe that excuse isn't the best idea...

-Have you seen the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love? I don't think it's a new release. I happened to see it on the Tivo guide for HBO one day last week and decided to record it. I like Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling, so it looked like a movie I would enjoy. I did enjoy it. The film has fairly raunchy subject matter. There is a scene, though, that had me wondering if the screenwriter has met me. So...Ryan is attempting to seduce Emma...they're in his house, and he takes off his shirt. Emma says something to the effect of, "you look photoshopped." He continues trying to seduce her, but she keeps giggling and making small talk about things completely unrelated to getting busy. It reminded me of when J proposed {except we were outside and not getting busy}. He was being all romantic....and I was rattling off facts about beaver dams. I kid you not.

-I took the codependents to see Despicable Me 2 a while back. They LOVED it. I guess I have been living under a rock because I still haven't seen the first one. Layton has informed me that I must watch it ASAP. Do you concur? Is Despicable Me a must see?

-Have you seen Pitch Perfect? Fat Amy introduces herself as Fat Amy, so that "twig bitches like you don't do it behind my back." It's armor. This blog is sort of my version of Fat Amy. I am socially awkward (at best), chaotic, unorganized, sweaty, chunky, and off balance. If I go ahead and admit those things publicly, openly, it doesn't hurt as much when someone else says it. Furthermore, it's not condescending when someone points out my very flawed self if a good laugh can be had about it because I already put it on the Internet. This blog is my Fat Amy.

-People, Madonna is 55. Chew on that for a moment. The material girl is mid-fifties. Do you think she'll ever retire? Or will she be like Cher and outlast nuclear waste?

-Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing. I think, "Good lord, A-Ro! Who puts this random stuff on the Internet for anyone to laugh at? What kind of crazy person must I be?" Then, I spend 30 minutes on wikipedia reading about personality disorders and schizophrenia just to make sure that I don't have the traits listed. Dr. Internet assures me that my compass doesn't point North, but I'm not certifiable yet. Just eccentric. Then again, Hell Night circa early 1990's, I ate every can of sardines and anchovies I could locate in the kitchen of the hostess....because I felt bad for the pledges and didn't want them to have to eat it. Herrllo? Why didn't I just throw them away? No, I had to be a supreme dumba$$ and eat the goods. I still remember my friend and fellow majorette Amy walking in and catching me with a mouthful of sardines.

-What's Hell Night? Long story short. It's the last night of pledging for the high school sorority I joined back in the day. Toward the end of the night the pledges line up in a straight line, and the members get to feed the pledges anything they want. That's right. Anything they want. I had a pretty stout stomach when I was young and was one of the few pledges that didn't vomit Exorcist style when I was fed. I was rather proud of myself for not yacking. Not everyone can hold down the bizarre and gross concoctions though. Just imagine eating sardines followed by pickled pig's feet followed by anchovies followed by anchovy paste followed by drinking vinegar followed by chocolate pudding followed by more sardines. So yeah, I felt bad for the pledges every year and ate as many sardines and anchovies as I could, so they wouldn't have to. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I can't even face you all right now.