Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Secondary Awareness...

Ella might be the most adult ten year old I have ever encountered. She puts herself to bed. She sets her own alarm for the weekdays. She showers unprompted. She cleans her messes without being asked. She arranges her own childcare if she thinks J and I need a night away. You read that correctly. She (hand to God) called J's parents and asked them if "us kids" could spend the night during the weekend of our anniversary because she wanted us to have a good night out. Then, she came to inform us that we needed to drop them off with the grands later in the day because she had arranged for us to have the night to ourselves. What ten year old does such a thing?

You know what she reminds me of??? Those commercials where the kids come up with insane explanations for how Cheez-Its get all that flavor in one, tiny square. How does all of that adult energy fit in a little person? I don't recall ever standing too close to a particle accelerator or being bitten by a mutated spider or experiencing large doses of gamma radiation while pregnant with her, so I'm guessing it isn't really a super power.

To be such an old soul in so many ways, she is also surprisingly sweet and naive. She will be eleven in a matter of weeks but still believes wholeheartedly in Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, and Happily Ever After. Most importantly, she still believes in me. 

Me - her Mommy - the best on the planet in her eyes - safe haven - care giver. 

She does not yet realize that I am deeply flawed and fail at a variety of tasks daily. She hasn't even noticed the misplaced modifier in her baby book. When I burn the toast, she still smiles while eating it. When I forget that I promised to take her somewhere, she gently reminds me later. She hasn't noticed that I have never been the room mother at school. Will she ever? Even if she does notice all of the mistakes, shortcomings, and white out, I have a feeling she will still love me. Ella is a precious soul. 

I keep thinking I will get the hang of this whole mothering thing eventually, but it just doesn't come naturally or easily to me. It is very difficult. Thank goodness such a sweet child is stuck in the middle.